


Am I In Love With You Or Am I In Love With The Feeling?

by sesquipedalia



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Thomas, Drunk Sex, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Top Newt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:02:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5222579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sesquipedalia/pseuds/sesquipedalia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas and Newt have a connection - maybe it's not a healthy connection, but there's no denying it's existence. The only catch is: Newt has a girlfriend. This doesn't stop Newt and Thomas from seeing each other and this does not stop either one of them from catching feelings. At the end of the day, the two are left to ask if they are in love with each other or if they are only in love with the feeling. </p><p>Inspired by The Feeling by Justin Bieber (ft. Halsey)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Am I In Love With You Or Am I In Love With The Feeling?

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually my first fan fiction, and I am willing to write a bunch more because of how much fun it was. I'm happy to take prompts if anybody has any, so feel free to message me. 
> 
> X

Thomas never dreamt of being in the position he was currently in. He never believed in cheating but when it came to Newt, he had not hesitated one bit in taking him in all the ways he possibly could. 

It all started a few months ago - they were both intoxicated, but they were still conscious enough to at least have a clue of what they were doing. Newt's girlfriend was at her friend's place for the night and Minho had left a few minutes prior because he had work in the morning. Their drunken conversation did not last long, as they both grew quiet and continued to sip at their drinks in the dark. Neither one of them insisted on turning on the light, and that was probably because of how twisted their minds were at the moment. 

Newt turned to Thomas and watched him, his eyes staring intently at the way Thomas' adam's apple bobbed every time he took another sip. He was content with staring at Thomas in silence and it took a few moments for Thomas to notice he was. Thomas grinned at him drunkenly and Newt's eyes fell to his lips, taking in how red they were and how soft they looked. He wondered why he never took a good look at Thomas before, but at the back of his mind he knew it was the alcohol that was doing things to him.

They were already sitting so close - so close that Newt could smell the hint of Tanqueray every time Thomas exhaled, and Newt felt his heart start to beat unevenly within his chest. He shivered when Thomas leaned a little closer to him with that grin still plastered across his lips, their mouths just practically touching. He wanted to close the gap between them so desperately, but his girlfriend kept plaguing his brain. Yet, every time Newt thought of kissing Thomas, _touching_ Thomas, she seemed to fade away. She faded to the point where all Newt could see was Thomas and the five-centimeter distance between them. 

After thinking about it over and over within his head, Newt finally closed that gap and grabbed onto the hair on the back of Thomas' neck, shivering as Thomas whimpered against his lips. The kiss was messier than Newt had expected, their tongues and teeth colliding, but it was more than he could ever ask for. 

Thomas dropped the bottle that was in his hand, that was practically empty, and grabbed onto the shirt Newt was wearing, pulling him closer so they could be chest to chest. He could feel Newt's heart pounding against his chest, and he could taste the rum on Newt's tongue, causing him to whimper louder. 

They didn't know how fast they were going, and they didn't know what they were getting into but before they knew it, they were both naked and Newt was fucking Thomas into his sofa. Newt would never forget how tight and warm Thomas felt, and he would never forget those wanton moans Thomas let out as he clawed at the furniture with his face pressed into it. 

It took a few weeks for a pattern to begin to form. Thomas and Newt hadn't spoken to each other after it occurred and Thomas was beginning to think Newt thought it was a mistake. He thought Newt wanted space from him and that was why they had not spoken and that thought had slowly started to shatter him. As the days went by, Thomas couldn't help but overthink about what was going on within Newt's mind. Had he thought about him? Had he thought about that night they shared? 

It eventually got to the point where Thomas could not take it anymore and he found himself back at Newt's apartment with bags under his eyes and determination. He knocked on his door and a few moments later, Newt answered with a confused look on his face. He asked why Thomas was there so late and Thomas gave him a weak and sad smile, fiddling with his fingers. They talked quietly for a few moments because Newt's girlfriend was asleep, and Newt invited Thomas inside, offering him drink. Once again, they found themselves in silence in the dark while sipping aimlessly at drinks. This time around, there was no alcohol present and no excuses for why their hands wound up on each other. 

As quietly as they could, Thomas and Newt devoured each other within Newt's kitchen, trying as hard as they could to not make any noise so Newt's girlfriend would not wake. Newt fucked Thomas against the counter with his hand over his mouth and his other hand wrapped around Thomas' cock, biting at his neck to mask his own moans. Thomas could barely keep quiet, and for a second, they both forgot Newt's girlfriend was in the other room. 

From then on, Newt and Thomas began fucking each other on a regular basis. 

Newt would show up at Thomas' place occasionally, and they would find themselves back in the same position over and over. At that point, they still weren't sure what exactly it was they were getting into, but neither one of them was willing to stop. 

At first, they would only see each other once every two weeks or so. Newt would call Thomas and ask if they could "talk", which always lead to fucking and neither one of them minded one bit. They became familiar with each others bodies in such a short amount of time and eventually, they both accepted it without thinking much about it. 

Newt would always call because Thomas was too afraid to call himself. Sometimes Newt would just show up at Thomas' place - other times they would be so desperate, they would just fuck in the front seat of Newt's car. Thomas would ride Newt until he had no energy left within him and they'd go their separate ways without another word.

Thomas always tried to act as natural as possible when Newt's girlfriend was around, but he could never hide the pang he felt in his heart every time he saw Newt lace their fingers together. He felt angry and pathetic and so broken every time he looked at them, but he knew at the end of the day, Newt would be at his doorstep ready to ravish him and part of him said that was better than nothing at all. 

As time went on, Thomas and Newt began seeing each other at least once a week. Newt would always call and Thomas never hesitated to answer, expecting his calls more than anything else. 

Their sex was always rushed and meaningless, and Thomas always wondered why Newt never took his time on him. He wanted to change this, but he never dared to say anything. He was afraid Newt would get the wrong idea if he did, so he insisted on remaining silent and taking whatever Newt wanted to give him. 

After they had both had climaxed, Newt never stayed around for more than 5 minutes. He always stood to smoke a cigarette, or he left Thomas alone to his own thoughts. Thomas would always wonder when he'd call next, if he'd call at all, and what Newt was up to. All Thomas could think about was Newt and he was beginning to plague Thomas' brain like an addiction.

He couldn't even think straight when Newt was around - he would always feel dizzy and hazy every time he tasted Newt's tongue and that taste alone was what kept Thomas up all night. He couldn't get enough of that taste, and that taste was all Thomas every wanted along with the feel of Newt's hands roaming his body. 

One night, Newt showed up at Thomas' apartment a little after 2 A.M with his head clearly not screwed on right. The only reason Thomas was up so late was because he was working, and seeing Newt at his apartment that late was kind of strange. They never usually met up with each other past a certain time because they both had jobs they had to wake up for in the morning, so seeing Newt at his doorstep so late threw Thomas off completely. Newt didn't say anything, not that they usually did, yet Thomas knew something was up with him. He chose not to ask. 

Newt barely let his presence sink in within Thomas before he stepped into his apartment and started taking off his coat while walking over to Thomas' bedroom. As usual, their clothes came off quicker than either one of them could comprehend and Newt was taking control.

"Get on your hands and knees," Newt demanded, and Thomas quickly obeyed, sticking his ass up and keeping his face down just like Newt always liked. Newt spits on his fingers and used them to spread Thomas open as wide as he could so he could ease his cock into him. They never spent too much time on preparation because Thomas always insisted that he like the stretch, but Newt didn't want to hurt him. 

He shoved his fingers inside of Thomas one by one, taking in every noise Thomas made as he did. Newt would never say it out loud, but he loved the way Thomas sounded when he was getting pleased. He always sounded so dirty, and it made Newt's insides twist with want every time. Right when he was done, Newt went to line himself up with Thomas but Thomas stopped him. 

"Wait," he panted, still out of breath from the fingers Newt had inside of him. "I want to see you."

When Newt said nothing, Thomas got off of his hands and knees and laid down on his back, nearly gasping at the view he had of Newt. He looked practically angelic, but Thomas knew he would be taking that back as soon as Newt got inside of him.

Newt was hovering about Thomas, lining himself up with Thomas' entrance once again so he could begin what they always had. Newt thrust his hips with a huff and Thomas clawed at Newt's back, unable to contain the sultry moan that was aching to be released.

Thomas and Newt were polar opposites in bed - Thomas loved to scream, but Newt preferred to be quiet. That was one thing Thomas wished was different about Newt, but he grew to love the shaky breaths Newt would inhale every time something felt good. He loved watching Newt's face when they fucked and he got off just watching him come. Nothing compared to the way Newt's body trembled every time he did, and that was what Thomas looked forward to the most. 

"Newt," Thomas moaned. "Please."

That was all Thomas needed to say before Newt started bucking his hips faster, biting into Thomas' shoulder while Thomas pulled them closer together. Thomas dug his heels into the small of Newt's back and tugged on his hair while he pounded him and he heard the tiniest groan surface near the back of his throat. 

The bed was crashing into the wall with how hard Newt was thrusting and Thomas was sure he would receive a complaint about that the following day but, in the moment, all he cared about was the way Newt's teeth were digging into his skin and how he made him feel. Newt always knew how to hit the best spots within Thomas, and that was probably why Thomas always found himself running back to Newt every time. Newt knew how to please him - they had spent so much time studying each other's bodies that they knew what exactly they needed to do to reach that point they were both always so desperate for.

Thomas cupped Newt's face and made Newt look at him, resting their foreheads together while Newt held himself up and continued to fuck Thomas harder and harder. They stared at each other intensely for quite a while before Newt shut his eyes and got lost in the feeling. He loved how warm and snug Thomas was around him, and he could never truly get over the feeling. 

Thomas was content with watching Newt - he loved how his eyebrows would knit together in concentration whenever they fucked, and he loved watching his lips part as he exhaled harsh pants every time he thrust his hips. Looking at his red stained lips caused a thought to cross Thomas' mind - Newt had not kissed him since he got there. Usually, they started their nights with a bit of kissing and a tiny bit of foreplay, but that night, they barely did any of that, practically jumping right into the main event. Thomas knew exactly what that meant. That meant something was actually wrong, and Thomas should have asked about it before they started. 

Every time Newt refused to kiss Thomas, that meant there was something in his mind that was bothering him and wouldn't go away. It happened a few times before, and Thomas never figured out what exactly it was that was bothering him, but he knew there was something. 

"Kiss me," Thomas managed to sputter out, and Newt opened his eyes back up to look down at Thomas. Thomas was still watching him, and Newt refused to lean down, and instead, continued to fuck Thomas further into the mattress. When Thomas tried to close the distance between them, Newt moved away from Thomas' face and pinned his arms above his head, glaring at him. Thomas took this as a challenge and leaned up again to have Newt squeeze his wrists. Thomas knew that would leave a bruise. 

"What are you scared of?" Thomas tested breathily, his voice shaking as he tried to put his words together as best as he could with Newt almost drilling into his sweet spot. 

Thomas wasn't surprised when Newt didn't answer, and that did not stop him from pushing Newt's limits. Newt's grip on his arms did not seem as if they would loosen any time soon, growing tighter as time passed, but Thomas was determined to break him. He wanted to crack Newt's shell - he _needed_ to.

He purposely clenched around Newt and Newt gasped, causing Thomas to bite his lip. Thomas wasn't sure if either of them had blinked for a while because of how hard they had been staring at each other, and he wasn't willing to pull away from Newt's gaze anytime soon with the way it was setting his gut on fire.

"Come on, N-" Thomas began, but Newt had cut off his words as he re-angled his hips and began thrusting even faster, hitting Thomas' sweet spot over and over. "Oh fuck!"

Thomas' eyes rolled to the back of his head as he felt his orgasm approaching, and Newt didn't slow down one bit, keeping up his pace, even though his arms were beginning to get tired. Watching Thomas fall apart always put him on the edge, and he could feel his own orgasm coming with each thrust of his hips. 

"M'gonna come-" Thomas moaned again, tugging at the sheets, even though his arms were bound. 

Without thinking much about it, Newt let go of one of Thomas' wrists and started jerking him off, bringing him closer and closer to the edge. Newt watched as Thomas began to thrust his own hips to meet his hand and whimper out things Newt wasn't even sure were actual words. It only took a few more flicks of Newt's wrist before Thomas was arching his back and coming right between them, a string of broken moans spewing from his lips as Newt jerked every last drop out of him, not slowing down so he could reach his peak as well. 

Not too long after, Newt stilled and let out a punched grunt, followed by his usual shaky breaths and came, shivering as his orgasm washed over him. He was too drunk off of his orgasm to stop Thomas from crashing their lips together but when he realized, he didn't pull away anyway. He let Thomas suck on his tongue like he usually did and reciprocated after realizing how much he had actually missed his lips. 

They kissed sloppily for a few minutes and Newt was the one to pull away. He looked down at Thomas for a few moments and Thomas knew that look so well - it was his _I'm about to get up and leave you again_ look and Thomas wasn't ready for him to leave just yet. When Newt was about to shift, Thomas grabbed onto him, not pulling their eyes apart. 

"Stay," he just about whispered, and Newt looked as if he was contemplating for a few seconds before he rolled off of Thomas and stayed put right beside him. He didn't move to touch Thomas at all, but Thomas did this on his own, leaning over to cuddle against Newt's side. Newt didn't wrap his arm around Thomas and he wasn't expecting him to, so he closed his eyes and pretended like he thought Newt would be there when he woke. 

He wasn't. 

Thomas frowned as he sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes before standing up and stretching. He walked over to his kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee before settling in front of his computer to finish the work he hadn't the previous night. A few minutes later, Newt had walked into the room with only his jeans, rubbing Thomas' shoulders and kissing his neck. Thomas shivered and turned to look at him, immediately smelling his usual scent - cologne and cigarette smoke. 

"I thought you left."

Newt sat in the seat adjacent from him, leaning back into it and resting his palms on his thighs. Thomas always loved when he sat like that. "Went for a smoke."

Thomas nodded and continued to type. 

"You told me to stay," Newt points out and Thomas shrugged lightly, trying as hard as he could to keep his eyes on his computer screen rather than letting them drift upon Newt. 

"You never do," he muttered and felt a sharp sting in his chest right after he did. It was a painful reality that Newt was not his and probably never would be. It made him feel mentally drained every time he chased after him but to no avail as Newt always ended up back at his girlfriend's side.

"How many times are we gonna' have this conversation, Tommy?" Newt snapped suddenly, and Thomas sighed, using his hand to cover his face while the other closed his laptop. 

"It's too early to be arguing Newt-"

"Answer me, Thomas. What the fuck do you want me to do?"

Thomas stood up and took his cup of coffee with him, trying to find an excuse to leave the room and go to the kitchen. The cup of coffee was starting to get cold anyway, so Thomas dumped the remains into the sink and began washing it so he wouldn't have to face Newt. Of course, this didn't stop Newt from following him into the kitchen. 

Their arguments were always this way - Newt would yell and Thomas would barely reply, which makes Newt even angrier. Newt would leave when all of his patience ran out, which was usually in under 5 minutes, and Thomas would cry because he always feels like it's his fault every time they fight. He felt like such an idiot, and he could never stop the angry tears from falling down his cheeks as he watched Newt walk out of the door. 

There were rare occasions when Thomas would actually run after Newt to make him stay, but he never did. They would end up back at square one until Newt would callThomas and ask if they could talk, which always meant fucking and always allowed their perpetual pattern to resume. As Thomas would always say, _something is better than nothing._

 _"Fuckin' answer me,"_ Newt spat and Thomas threw his cup, his _favorite cup,_ into the sink, nearly breaking it. 

"I want you to stop acting like this is nothing! It's making me lose my mind and I - I can't fucking take it! Stop showing up and pretending like everything is okay when it's clearly not!" Thomas yells back, tears pinching at the back of his eyes as usual. He could never argue with Newt without tears showing up uninvited. 

"Who said this was actin'?" Newt screamed, stepping closer to Thomas with his fists balled by his side. "This is nothin'! _We_ are nothin'!"

Thomas felt his heart ache within his chest as he shook his head, his vision practically blinded due to his misty eyes. "You're so full of shit, you know that? So full of-"

"What did you think this was? I have a bloody girlfriend, Thomas!"

 "Then explain why you've been fucking me, Newt. Explain how you showed up at my doorstep at 2 A.M last night and all those other nights and why you kept dragging this on for so fucking long." 

Newt doesn't say anything and Thomas hums, shaking his head once again. 

"You're pathetic."

Thomas walks away from Newt and, like usual, he doesn't stick around for long. He grabs his stuff and leaves, slamming the front door behind him while Thomas lugged himself to his bedroom and fell into his bed, tears resurfacing as Newt's smell was still all over his sheets.

 

He waits for Newt's call, but it never comes. Even as one day turns to two and three days turns to seven, Newt never calls and Thomas is beginning to think he fucked up. He usually waited for things to blow over, but Newt never took more than 3 days to call Thomas and ask if they could talk. At this point, Thomas was sure Newt was done with him and that destroyed him into little pieces that were no longer distinguishable.

Throughout that week, Thomas could sleep and he was lucky if he got an ounce of food within his system. Minho was worried because he had never seen Thomas so distraught before. He would come over every day after work to check on Thomas, but he was never better, and he was starting to wonder if there was something he didn't know. Of course Newt and Thomas were keeping what they had a secret, and Thomas knew Minho would judge the both of them if he found out they were fucking each other behind Newt's girlfriend's back. So he refused to tell Minho and, instead, changed the subject every time it was brought about. 

Thomas tries to take his mind off of Newt, but it hardly works as he's all he can ever think about. He starts to wonder if he should just call Newt himself, but he figures that would make him seem pathetic and desperate, so he doesn't. He also realizes he's still made at Newt, so calling him would make matters worse in his mind, anyway. 

So he waits.

He waits for a call that never comes and when one week turns to two, Thomas declared he was officially done with hoping Newt would find it in himself to apologize so they could go back to their ways, even if Thomas knew it was unhealthy and even if he knew it was detrimental to him overall. 

He turns his phone off because he gets tired of getting disappointed every time he looks at his phone and does not have a call or at least a message from Newt. Minho was obviously not happy about that and the fact that he was still not given an explanation, but his patience was always through the roof, so he didn't bug Thomas about it too much.

It was around 8 O' Clock at night when Thomas heard a knock on his door, and he stood up to answer it. He was expecting Minho to be at the door, but Newt was there instead, his cheeks and nose red from the cold whether with his hands stuffed into his jacket. 

"Hey," Newt says, and Thomas doesn't remember how angry he was with Newt until that very moment. He considers slamming the door in Newt's face, but he doesn't.

"What are you doing here?" Thomas responds blankly, and Newt rubs the back of his neck. 

"I wanted to talk to you."

Thomas squints his eyes. "If you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting, you can leave," Thomas says, closing the door but Newt catches it before Thomas could close it. 

"I actually wanted to talk-"

"Yeah right," Thomas says, cutting him off once again so he could close the door, but Newt would not budge. "Move."

"Thomas, will you just listen to me?"

"I don't want to hear it-"

"I broke up with her."

Thomas isn't sure he heard that right, so he doesn't say anything and tries to process the possibility of that actually being what Newt said. The words barely registered within his head, and he waited for Newt to continue before he said anything. 

"I thought about what you said and you were right. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for kissin' you that night and I'm sorry for fuckin' everything up. I didn't mean to and you know that."

Thomas still doesn't reply. 

"I just got so used to seeing you and I guess I made a habit out of it. I didn't mean to hurt you and I didn't mean to hurt her either. I was bein' selfish and a bloody idiot and I'm sorry Tommy. I'm sorry for using you and," Newt babbles, pausing to take a deep breath. "And I'm sorry for lyin'. We are something. I don't know what, but I'm willin' to figure it out." 

"Newt-" Thomas whimpers and Newt steps inside his apartment with a tense look on his face. He takes Thomas' face into his hands gently and looks directly at him.

"Please. I know I hurt you, but I'm beggin' you to forgive me, Thomas. I wanna' give us a try."

Thomas stares at Newt, trying to see if he could find out if he was being sincere just by looking in his eyes. He wanted to believe him, but at the same time he built his wall so high up over the past two weeks that he's not sure if he should give Newt a chance. He wants to - _god_ that's all he wants to do, but he's afraid. He doesn't want to get hurt, and he doesn't want to mess things up even more. 

That doesn't stop Thomas from nodding his head gently. "Okay."

Newt's face softens and Thomas swears he sees a smile on his lips. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he says, nodding again. Newt lets out a breath of relief before pressing his lips against Thomas'. It's the sweetest kiss they've ever shared, and it makes Thomas melt on the inside and the outside. He grabs onto Newt's jacket and balls the fabric within his fist, whimpering against Newt's lips. 

Thomas isn't sure if they're making the right move by doing this, and he isn't sure if he's in love with Newt or just the feeling he brings, but he doesn't care because Newt is finally his and that's all that matters. 


End file.
